This Has Nothing to Do with Marion Township... But It Might Get Us to Space
- Name Withheld for Privacy Reasons
- Apr 4, 2025
- 3 min read
🚀 Welcome Back, Readers
This week, we’re veering way off-topic compared to my usual content. Why?
Well, partly because there’s a few new things brewing in both McGuffey and Alger that I’m keeping an eye on, and partly because one lead in particular still isn’t cooked enough to serve.
And also because—as I mentioned way back in the Alger article—my long-term goal has always been to talk about things bigger than just McGuffey.
So, today, let’s take a wild ride into something ambitious. Something bold. Something just unhinged enough to maybe actually work:
🛰️ Ohio’s Grand Offer to NASA
On March 12, 2025, several high-ranking political players decided to shoot their shot with NASA. I like to imagine the pitch went something like this:
“Why waste taxpayer dollars on a D.C. high-rise when you could move to Ohio and not financially implode?”
Honestly? That’s a pretty solid pitch. I’d buy it. (And I think V.P. J.D. Vance might too.)
Of course, it’s not quite that simple. But the official memorandum proposing to move NASA’s headquarters to Cleveland actually makes some compelling points.
1. 💸 Cost Savings: Because Ohio Clipped a Coupon for NASA
Ah, Washington, D.C.—land of monuments, legislation, and office space that costs more than a Mars rover. Throw in coffee brewed from the shattered dreams of unpaid interns, and it’s no surprise this was Point #1.
The proposed location? Cleveland. And yes, NASA already has a major research hub there: Glenn Research Center. So if HQ moved, they could probably buy an entire campus for what they’re currently paying to rent a glorified broom closet in the capital.
Imagine it: astronauts planning missions without having to ration printer paper or share a desk with a fax machine from 1998. Pure bliss.
2. 🛩️ Ohio: Birthplace of Aviation (and Possibly Your Galactic Empire)
Don’t look at me like that, North Carolina.Just because you slapped “First in Flight” on your license plates doesn’t mean you get to be smug.
Let’s be real:
The Wright brothers? Born and raised in Ohio.
First man on the moon? Neil Armstrong. Also Ohio.
NASA Glenn? Been in Cleveland for decades.
This isn’t just an upgrade—this is Ohio reclaiming its rightful place as the Intergalactic Throne Room of Space Exploration. 👑🚀
3. 🧑🔬 Workforce Modernization: Bring Back Water Cooler Moon Talk
The current administration wants employees back in the office.Well—what better way to lure them in than with an actual space research center?
Scientists walking through halls lined with real aerospace tech
Engineers building rocket parts, not filing expense reports
Interns doing meaningful research instead of surviving on Starbucks runs
Why wouldn’t NASA want that?
😏 But Wait—Ohio Has Competition
Other states are also trying to woo NASA like it’s a 1950s prom date.
Florida — Land of hurricanes and alligators. Next.
Texas — You already have Mission Control. Learn to share.
Alabama — Sure, strong bid. But do you have Lake Erie and pierogi? I didn’t think so.
Final Verdict: NASA, Time to Pack Your Bags
The case is strong:
The history? Legendary.
The infrastructure? Already here.
The affordable office space? Chef’s kiss. 💋
So, Vice President J.D. Vance and NASA’s soon-to-be overlord—I mean, Administrator—Jared Isaacman...
Do the right thing. Bring. NASA. Home.
And to sweeten the deal, Ohio will even throw in:
🍫 Free Buckeyes (the candy, not the football team—we’re not monsters)🥟 An all-you-can-eat pierogi night☕ Real coffee, not the sorrow-fueled sludge served in D.C.
🎙️ That’s a Wrap, Space Cadets
If you made it all the way through this out-of-character ramble, congrats—you’re officially part of the Chaos Crew™.
Next week, we’re snapping back to regularly scheduled programming: McGuffey, local elections, and that mysteriously empty council seat they really hoped we’d all forget existed.
🧠 And Now... the Obligatory Smart-Ass Disclaimer
The content of this blog is based on publicly available information, sarcasm, and one blogger’s over-caffeinated opinions. It is not official journalism, legal advice, or proof that aliens built the pyramids (but let’s be honest, it’s more entertaining than some council minutes I’ve read).
So, no, posting a disclaimer does not mean I’m making things up.It means I’m telling stories, raising questions, and offering commentary.
You want a court affidavit? Go to law school.You want the sass-filled, semi-chaotic truth with a side of pierogi?Welcome to the blog.
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